Set the RIGHT Example for your Child

Hello Parent’s Corner,

Some of you must be asking do I have children of my own.  No, I don’t but I work mostly with children so from time to time I will be adding what I learned from my children (students), my experiences and their guardians.
The attitudes and behavior of children today is learned. Where do they learn it from? Who is setting the right example? Who is responsible for correcting the children’s behavior? These are the questions a lot of us are asking ourselves today with the children’s unruly behavior and nasty mouth. However, you cannot blame the child because behavior is learned from the parents and/or at home.

Last week, I witness a behavior I far too often get tired of seeing and I am ashamed of the behavior which I blame is the root to the children’s behaviors and attitudes. So here it goes:
One of my students was suspended from school because a student reported her smoking in the building. Naturally, she didn’t care because she considers it as a mini vacation in her mind. However, she didn’t even care about the violation that is going to be place on her records. On the other hand her mother did care about the violation but went about handling the situation in the wrong behavior and attitude in front of her daughter which sets the wrong example.

Her mother’s reaction was “why the F was the student all in my daughter’s business to begin with? Why do you guys support this other girl to reporting my daughter anyway? Shouldn’t the Fing student be in class instead of snitching on my daughter to begin with?” Mom was informed her daughter was smoking in the bathroom in which the other student saw her smoking the weed. The focus isn’t about the student but about her daughter’s behavior and violating the rules. Instead of mom discussing the matter she decided to be rude, disrespectful and started yelling and cursing.

Here are some suggestions on how to set the right example for your child:

1. 1. Parents play a key role in supporting school policies, the law and proper rules of conduct. Never criticize an adult, teacher, a school rule, or the school generally in front of you child. In doing so you will undermine academic authority and encourage your children to distrust or disobey school leaders and negatively impact their educational process. Also, you let your child think its okay to be rude and disrespectful to adults period. So, naturally this child isn’t going to have respect with her own peers or children period.

2. 2. Remain cool, calm and rational in front of your child. Yelling and screaming doesn’t help the matter. In matter of fact it escalate the issue and make you look like an irrational person. Also, let’s be honest, you have hear people saying “The apple don’t fall to far from the tree!” So, take the time to learn what does that mean? It’s best to sit down and try to talk and comprise on how to fix the problem. If a person sees you are an understand individual they are more likely to be willing to help and lessen the consequences.

3. 3. Cursing really causes people to close their ears and tune you out. So, I suggest finding strong adjectives to describe what you are feeling minus the curse words. This is a bad influence on your child. In fact, it’s more like diarrhea of the mouth. When I was growing up the nuns use to wash our mouths with soap in order to teach us having a potty mouth is unacceptable. I know you can’t do that now but parents it’s your job to teach your children proper communication skills. So, try not cursing in front of your children. Especially, in the heat of a situation. Teach your children healthy ways to handle their stresses and frustrations. Security was called to escort mom and daughter off the vicinity.

4. 4. Now, mom was really pissed off and threatening to fight whoever touches her because she isn’t leaving the build. Fighting is never the answer to solving any issue. This definitely sends the wrong message to your child. The only thing a child learns from this behavior is if my words aren’t effective so the next best thing to do is fight. Parents teach your children to fight with a pen or typing a letter not using unruly words and especially not their hands and fist. Mostly importantly not using any form of weapons because someone can get hurt and/or go gets arrested. It’s just not worth it at the end of the day.
Pa       5. Parents it’s a big NO-NO to teach your children violence and threat as a form of defense. Threatening someone life is considered an assault or intimidation. The threat may not be real and full of hot air but the other person doesn’t know if the danger is less imminent which can lead to legally issues. Just avoid violence and threats because it isn’t worth anyone going to jail.
Pa         6. Parents do not lie or make excuses for your child. I know it can be embarrassing the decisions your children decided to make and get involved in but that isn’t a valid reason to lie or make excuses in the presence of your child. You are teaching your child not to take responsibilities for their actions and to face the consequences. Also, your child will learn to put blame on others and always make excuses. Children must learn every action results in a reaction. Basic cause and effect!
Like the old saying, “do as I say, not as I do” does not work with setting the right example for your children. Parents be the shining star you want your child to be when you are or aren’t around because they represent you. Lead by example not by demand because children see when you are pulling their leg.
Think about the incident above or anytime you may have been involved in a heated situation when your child was around. How did you handle it? Think about what you could have done differently? How are you going to handle yourself now? If you know you are guilty of any of the behaviors please make an effort to make some changes for your child and family because it’s worth it in the end.

Raising a child brings many experiences but you have the power to influence your child for the good. You can teach your child to pick and choose their battles carefully. Most importantly this will help you display the type of behavior that you want your child to emulate. Your child will learn they can’t control others behavior but they can control their behavior, attitude and reaction. Be real with your children by teaching them how to be responsible citizens.

Sashaying Off,

Precious Pat V

P.S. Please feel free to make comments or suggestions in the comment area below.


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