Hello Sweetea,

Celebrity relationships seem to change every day. But aren’t they human beings? Do they not bleed the same blood as regular people? So, what makes them so different that the news makes a big deal when they discover they cheat, lie and live by the same rules of all human beings? Infidelity, adultery, extra marital affairs and/or cheating are as old as marriage and relationships themselves. Relationship is the start of building towards marriage and marriage is about being together forever and ever. Marriage is an old-fashioned concept however many feel it cannot survive in our current time stamp.

This reminded me of a research paper I did for my family and therapy class for grad school. I had to pick a topic that has pledged marriages and relationship for years. My professor wanted us to pick a topic we wanted clearer understand of and that had meaning to us and our field of study. I quickly choose infidelity because I really wanted to understand why people gamble with their love, family and trust for a one night stand, a fling or a whole new relationship within their current relationship. I also wanted to know how I can better serve my clients and my thinking about infidelity, adultery, extra marital affairs and/or cheating. Is it pure greed wanting your cake and eating it by your damn self or lack of self-control? I totally didn’t get it and wanted to try to get clarity on the subject matter….

According to recent research nearly 65% of marriages today break-up because of infidelity. However, marriages use to remain intact for the sake of the children and not wanting to break the family union.  The institution of marriage, which arose a long time ago when people died younger, was never “designed” to keep couples together for long periods of time after their children had grown up. Adultery is thought not only to quickly destroy or destabilize a marriage/relationship but it affects the person ability to trust. Trust is the compound of every relationship and it’s the crazy glue that holds the bond together.

Lately, the latest public infidelity has been Tiger Woods scandal which has become a full-fledged media frenzy. It’s hard to stay up to date with the fallout since the Wood’s Thanksgiving crash. The nerdy golfer Woods, 33, has been linked to eight to ten  different alleged mistresses following his car crash late Thanksgiving night. From Woods’ flock of alleged mistresses, his stressed and stunning wife Elin Nordegren’s next move with the children and his future as the world’s best golfer, the News just haven’t and refuse to stop all the media press! I don’t know about you but I am about tired of this story.

Tiger Woods is the latest of many stars caught up in cheating scandals and basically putting his career at risk for some extra fun with sex and toys. Are people extremely surprise because Tiger Woods just don’t look like that type of guy who would do that. Do his clean image, big Colgate smile, beautiful wife, family and fame make people think why he out of people would cheat? He has it all but does that matter. However, these home wreckers get a winner ticket to frame!  I just don’t get it after seeing the consequences people faces I ask do they not ask themselves if it’s all worth it at the end.

It’s about time the home wreckers’ face some ridiculed and humiliation. They should not be rewarded with interviews, a career airing their dirty laundry, over night fame and glamour. The home wreckers are as guilty as the cheater. Especially if the home wreckers knew the other party is married or in a committed relationship. Home wreckers are egotistic, dangerous, naïve, greedy and unpredictable. So, the questions I ask again why do it? If you claim you love your significant other why put them through this hurt, pain and doubt if their marriage or relationship was based on lies and lust?

According to the people I interview for my paper, women have dealt with cheating in their relationship at least once and men admitted to cheating on their spouse. I too was a victim of infidelity and went through the same emotions. I can relate with having the doubtful questions and just couldn’t understand why this was happening when I thought we were happy in our committed monogamous relationship. I too question can a man go through life being faithful to one women?

According to my research and other finding I found men and some women agree “man is not meant to be monogamous!” They best describe men wanting and desire things they don’t have. Majority felt that man wasn’t meant to be faithful and it is only in the last hundred years or so that the demand to be faithful has become so embedded in American society. You think since Aids and STD’s is one heck of a good reason to keep it tucked and locked away for one person. However, monogamy in most other societies it is not considered important. Also, men don’t have the same self-control as women to not act on those desires they have or feel. However, women do but make the choice to cheat. But I always ask don’t men make the same choice knowing what the consequences are just like a women. What I don’t understand about sex is the fundamental contradiction it poses to love, women and men. While love deepens with time and shared experience, sex is stifled by the relationship and the routines. Sex seems to thrive most through novelty rather than intimacy, through new flesh rather than current love.

Sex use to be the classic expression of love, lovemaking and connection to join a couple together but its sad how things have changed. So, why are so many couples who are so deeply in love with each other, after so little and/or so many years of being together, utterly sexless? Why must couples choose between being lovers or being best friends, between being pure & clean partners instead of the adventurous & dirty partner, between being passionate or being intimate? Why can’t you have it all in one person? For what I understood, “the flaming love of sex and erotic passion becomes more and more muffled through the more watery love of marital routines, family patterns and an increasing number of responsibilities pile up.” Why can’t sex and love go absolutely hand in hand, as they should to help both party release frustrations and disappointments in life? However, men best explained it “it’s more exciting with a new woman than with whom you’re currently been with because they are tinted and just don’t get it.”

Men and women both cheat but the numbers are higher for men. It is said that men cheat just for the sexual act of it all but when a women cheat it’s because of their emotions. It wasn’t a surprise to learned women’s affairs are argued to be more likely than men’s to result in divorce because women cheaters are claimed to be more likely involved in an emotional connection. Based on the interviews I had with men, I think men just can’t deal with the fact their wife or girlfriend cheated and it’s harder for men to forgive.  It’s just sexist and demeaning society gives men a pass or excuse for cheating and women is looked upon as a she-devil. Men claim they are looking for easy and non-complicated fun and sex which leads to a whole new relationship. However, does it matter if it was sexually or emotional because it’s still consider infidelity, adultery, extra marital affairs and plain old cheating? Okay, after how long does a man keep sleeping with a woman it’s deemed from a sexual to an emotional relationship? Despite my research and the numerous researches I read I think its pure selfishness and lack of self-control. People make choices and their choices they make in the dark will come to light so they must deal with the consequences but unfortunately they never take it to consideration this affects the whole family and the person ability to trust again!   So, what should be a private family matter for the Woods family is all put on the spotlight everyday for the world to judge. But that is the price you pay for lights, camera and action! Is the cheating ever worth it? Can life ever be normal again?  Why even do it?
Infidelity by TREY SONGZ

Sashaying Off,
Precious Pat V


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