Hello Dating with a Purpose,

Why does she have a man/husband and I don’t? This is the question I hear so often and I have to keep it real. I ask myself that question sometimes because I’ve heard it too often. I hate when people ask me “why are you single and childless? Your resume have everything a man is looking for.” I quickly reply, “if it was that simple don’t you think everyone would be paired up easily like a puzzle!” Love and relationship isn’t a simple love story, picture or puzzle that fits so perfectly the way you want it. OMG, why are people always trying to define other’s life success?! Why is it a woman is deemed successful by the man she have and how many child(ren) she bares?!

We live in a society that revolves around on how we look, our body shape, what clothes we wear, physical attractiveness, where we live, what car we drive, level of education, what we do for a living, how much money we make and how much we have in our bank account. Our society tends to lose sight of the bigger picture, the work and the time that is put into getting the picture completed. Complete to your standards because some women don’t want to get married or be bare foot and pregnant! Sometimes people forget to take the time to get to know what someone may want, their character, their values, principles and mindset. We spent an excessive amount of importance on how we view and define others and their perception of ourselves.  We allow others to build our resume for us and lose touch of our own true identity as we try to stay above waters painting a false image of ourselves and what we really want out of life!
This past weekend, I was talking to a couple of classmates and the topic of men came up. One of my classmates asked another how is the gentleman she is currently dating. She quickly replied “oh I had to drop him because he didn’t make my resume look good. The picture was all wrong!” When the conversation kept going I came to learn she drop him because he didn’t have a college degree and he worked for sanitation. So, naturally I asked did you drop him because he doesn’t have a degree or you dislike his job? She said kind of sort of both but how does it look, I have a BA and a master’s and he don’t with 2 children and 2 baby mothers while picking up trash. I quickly thought to myself why do people worry about what others think about their relationship that cause them to conclude what you “should” have on your resume when it comes to having a partner.  Should we allow others to impart what you should or shouldn’t have? Are we basing materialistic things and what a person have to be the measurement by which we define ourselves and determine your self-worth, love and happiness.

I can totally understand her not wanting to be with him because of his extra baggage. However, she has two children herself and not looking to have anymore just like him. Otherwise his resume is pretty good to me. I thought at least they both wanted the same things for the future and she said he was spoiling her rotten. She mentioned being happy but couldn’t look pass what would her folks and friends say. The brother has a great career with benefits and part of a union. So, I just couldn’t understand what her problem was with this dude. I sometime think women and society have a naive thinking that having a great resume (attractive, physically appealing, educated, financially independent, etc.) somehow entitles a woman to a good man or a good relationship. I call this the Cinderella thinking!  You grow up in your struggles and you was bless to get a higher education and now you feel you are entitled to get Mr. Right. That you should be first in line to try on the shoe and get Prince Charming! Are you serious? There isn’t no special treatment when it comes to the matter of the heart and feelings are involved. Have you heard “LOVE IS BLIND!” Also there isn’t no Mr. Right but who is the RIGHT fit for you!!

The reality of this theory a lot of women remain single and still looking for Prince Charming. Then you question “Why does she have a man and I don’t? I can’t believe she is married!” Well for starters she may have a man/husband and you don’t because she doesn’t allow her resume or society to judge who is worthy to be on her level or not. She knows her relationship shouldn’t be based on what he and she have but how can they make it work. It’s like a puzzle, put the piece that fits not the one you trying to force to fit! Basically, this woman understands what love is really about and don’t care what the world have to say because someone will always have something to say! Women need to understand not to get pinned down on how their story should be written but allow God to write the story for them. Don’t question who is worthy or unworthy of having a mate based upon looks, shape, education, hair, status, career and accomplishments because that takes away from your beauty. Take the time to focus on you, get to know what is really important to you and what really matters in your relationship. Do not waste your time on what should be on your resume and what society thinks should be on your resume. Remain a positive and loving individual that takes the time to get to know someone and allow them to treat you like a Queen in order to fall in LOVE. Like I tell all guys and like all companies tell job prospects, “Just because you have the qualifications and the best resume doesn’t mean you will get the position because what is important is getting the person who is the best fit to add to our growing family!”

“Make every effort to change things you do not like. If you cannot make a change, change the way you have been thinking. If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. ” — Maya Angelou (Letter to My Daughter)

Sashaying Off,

Precious Pat V
  1. Hashley says:

    Very interesting and in dept look at the subject!!! Well written. And sure does contain a lot of the faux pas that make dating as horrendous as it now is. Thank you for putting the truth out there.

  2. Rashana says:

    Love this angle. You touched on some great points..

  3. Cynthia Celestin says:

    Well said cuz.and I do ask that question and at times I feel bad for judging the couple. So I look at myself I know I have what it takes to be in a fulfilling relationship but why its not so. I had to be realistic I was going by list of what I think a relationship should be based on and the type of qualification and physical attribute a potential partner should have. As dated some based on my unrealistic list there was a lot missing and I was left unsatisfied or wronged. I realized like so many others I was going by more superficial ideals rather what is truly important to make a successful relationship. My advice date outside your usual realm you might be surprise and find true happiness

    • Hey don’t feel bad but always remember Don’t judge a book by it’s cover because you never know what it took for them to be together and what’s going on behind close doors to keep that relationship going!! I know a couple of females that remain in dysfunctional relationship just because they don’t want to be alone and they are pleasing what society!!! I’m a firm believe your happiness should be based on what you want and need out of life and not what others believe should or is right for you!! So, yes I agree with your advice!! Keep praying, staying focus on your higher power and yourself trust me things will work out for the best!!!

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