Is Chivalry DEAD? And if so, whose FAULT is it?

Hello Sweetea,

Chivalry use to be the thing to do in order to get a girl/lady/woman to notice you. Chivalry was part of courting a counter partner in order to win her heart and approval. Chivalry is courteous behavior that men show towards women like giving up a seat, opening doors, paying on a date, ect. However, nowadays especially through my process of dating I’m learning don’t expect anything and the best thing is YES talk about it before heading out the door because I’ve learned chivalry is no longer valued or the norm!

So, here is my story….. I went out on a date with a 37-year-old accountant that I meet online. I’m not sure if I mentioned it in the past but I decided to be open-minded and started online dating after my mom and friends suggested it. It has been an interesting (being nice) journey! Yes, everything I do is part of my JOurneY in my movement to write the next chapter in my book! LoL, back to this date.

Online he was an 8 (church going man, loves hanging with family and friends, no kids, never married, great career, enjoys the holidays, funny, lives on his own, have a car and he had a great attitude via email and phone) but in person he turned out to be a ZERO for me!! I’m an old fashion gal but if you were to ask him that’s not part of the modern times because I have the feminine movement to thank for that and women made men change. Women don’t like nice guys and women want to be equal so they don’t know anything about chivalry. WTF? What foolishness!?!?

We met up and I parked my car and he drove. He didn’t opened the car doors which he lost points for that, now it’s time to get out the car he didn’t come around to open my door so I sat in the car. He walked over to my side and looked at me while yelling without opening the door to ask is everything okay why you’re not getting out the car. I really just sat there and was confuse why at 37 years old doesn’t he get it. So, I decided to lighten up and jump out his huge truck without busing my butt on the way down my sexy heels and just see how this date goes and bring it up in conversation! To make a long story short we had an okay time chatting and no just in case you were wounding he didn’t rush to open the doors! He was a little uptight and all about numbers but bearable. Now, here’s where I get lost and confused again because I expected him to know better being he is 37!! Was I so wrong and kept forgetting age doesn’t mean maturity it just mean you’re getting older and your body is growing. However, for some you are on a good track because you’re developing mentally, spiritually and physically!

Just thinking and writing about it makes me LOL! The waitress came with the bill and handed it to him. He looked at the bill and then he looked up at me while saying your half is… I totally didn’t even hear the half he claimed I own because I looked up at him with a dumb founded look and said excuse me? (SIDEBAR: He now wants to disclose we’re going Dutch). I chucked and said I’m American, a matter of fact I’m American-Haitian so as far as I know my family tree don’t have anyone from there! He laughed and said no it means.. I politely stopped him and said yes sweetea, I know what that means but out of all my years dating I’ve never had anyone do that to me and I truly didn’t expect that from you! You asked me out on a date and I agreed, now if you wanted us to go Dutch that is a chat you should have had with me before us going out so please don’t spring this on me like we agreed to these terms (As I was sitting there I said to myself I should have know better since he didn’t understand why I was still sitting in the car waiting for him to open the car door!) Urgh!! He replied “well you’re an independent woman right so what’s the problem?”

This is when I had to REMAIN CALM and nicely inform him this doesn’t have anything to do with me being independent and me not being an independent woman who can care for myself and for a man and children! However, what I do like and men need to understand some women and maybe not all do understand the concept of chivalry and don’t have a problem with a man treating us like a princess and placing us on a pretty pedestal! As much as I like to allow my man to be a man is as much as I want to feel like a lady in return because that doesn’t take away from my strength or my independence! So can I pay for my half YES but you asked me out so I need you to fulfill that (period….) Thank you!

He was shock by my answer and he paid the bill. He disclosed I’m the only women who made a strong argument on the topic because they just usually pay their half and shut up. Well, I told him I guess they’re use to that concept and accept it but that’s not me because I believe chivalry shows respect and women need to take it off life support!! If he knew he wanted to go Dutch that is something he should have disclosed in the mist of saying would you like to go out and we both pay for our own way. Give me the opportunity to make a choice in advance not dictate what I should do while on the date! The dude had the nerve to ask if I wanted to go bowl, shoot pool or something. My independence kicked in again and said No thank you! I had enough of the new age mannerism and need/want a man to treat me like a lady!

So, I ask is Chivalry Dead? And if so whose fault is it?

I believe it’s both men and women equally responsible for the lessening of chivalrous behaviors!!

Ladies: Men will only treat you how you allow them to treat you so demand more and know that doesn’t take away from your independence and strength!

Men: Ladies demanded independence and equal rights because they want their voices to be heard in the work place, equal pay, vote, politics, education, etc. but that doesn’t mean we don’t want to be treated like a lady with respect, kindness and common courtesy!




2 Responses to “Is Chivalry DEAD? And if so, whose FAULT is it?”
  1. Jackie says:

    Precious Pat V, I don’t believe that chivalry is dead. I think that you are correct. Women do show others, by their words, deeds, and actions, how they wish to be treated. Unfortunately, there is a very vocal number of women who loudly and forcefully proclaim no need for special treatment as women. Men have listened and now generally don’t provide these courtesies. How are men supposed to know which women appreciate chivalry and which don’t? As a lady, you can always gently and succinctly let him know where you stand. One of two things can happen – either he’ll be repelled by your truth and fade out OR he’ll be intrigued because you’re different and (even after making him pay for the check) ask you out for bowling, shooting pool, or etc 🙂

    Good post!

    • I totally agree Jackie!!! Women have to start putting themselves in position where they understand they have the power to change the direction the world is going!! Modern behaviors aren’t helping us with communication with men!! They are confuse and it’s time to clear it up!!!

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