Dear Diary: Should I Wait or Should I Settle?

I am a loyal reader and Precious Pat V I love your blog and the advices you give! So I’ve been having this issue I wanted to ask you and your readers about it for a couple of months now… I finally found the courage to write my story after reading your review about “For Colored Girls” (you made reference you feel the movie isn’t just for Africa American (AA) Women but for all women) and your daily posts! I totally felt you’re a fair person and you don’t look at things as just a Black and White issue! Thanks for being an understanding woman and for having this platform for me and others to take advantage of since you are in the field of counseling! So this is MY CHEAP THERAPY!! LOL, I said I was a loyal reader!

So, I guess I was afraid to write to you because that would mean I am admitting to the facts of my life! Not to be winded but I’m not writing this to be judge but for advice since you are the same age as me and from what I’m reading on your blog single in the Big Rotten Apple just like me. Anyhow, as I write this and trying to remain very private because I am ashamed this isn’t what I planned for my life! Like I totally didn’t think at 32 I would be hugging…… Enough of me stalling and onto why I am writing to The Diary….

I am a 32 year old, White woman who attends Catholic Church and teach in The City. I live alone in Long Island; have a car, a dog and I love sports. I’ve been living in New York all my life and my mom and dad have been married for over 15 years. Noticed I didn’t say happily married! They had their rough patches where they left and came back to each other. I have 2 sisters and a brother. My sisters are 30, 27 and my brother is 40. So that makes me the 2nd oldest and the only one that is SINGLE!! Yes, this is my issue!! My younger sister is engage and guess who is the Maid of F****** Loser… Totally like it’s ME!! Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for her but my family is totally ruining it for me because they keep asking me the same stupid question like it’s going to change overnight… When are you going to get married? Like, I’m supposed to have an answer for them… I think honest to truth my sisters just decided to settle down and just get married because they were tired of dating and the untold story of white men attitudes towards marriage!

Did I tell you they are married to their high school sweethearts! I don’t understand how our parents expect the same traditions to remain the same in 2010! Like my mom is super mad at me for moving out and getting my own place without me being married! She went almost 2 years not speaking to me. I have always been the brave one to take risks compared to my sisters and my brother gets treated like a king so it’s a lost casue to talk about him! However my sisters lived at home until the “I DO’s” So once again I’m the problematic child who don’t follow traditions. I would love to follow traditions but what am I to do when men aren’t following it too!?! Yes, some White men are just like some Black men but the media don’t focus on them compared to Black men which I know and it pisses me off. This causes people to think White women don’t have issues too!!

I was having a conversation with my co-workers (mostly AA women) and they all assumed they were the only ones having issues with men and their lack of commitment! They were looking at me very funny when I mentioned I am tired of dating men who are running away from marriage and long-term relationships! I am really tired of AA women thinking this is a Black issue when it’s a women issue! Yes, I know they are more AA women singled compared to Caucasian women but I totally believe sometimes White women get married for the wrong reasons! So, once again I feel like the outcast when I should feel like one of the girls but I’m the only young White girl working there and all the older white ladies are married (noticed again I didn’t say Happily married because they keep complaining about not being happy!) I just want to be happy and not feel like an alien!!

So, do you think I should just settle and stop thinking there is a special one out there for me in this Dirty Rotten Apple full of bar hopping jerks (not all but some)! Excuse me I had a little too much wine to cheer me up after a family event that just depressed the f****** s*** out of me!!) so I don’t feel like an outcast or should I just keep on dating?


Single White Fed up Female


3 Responses to “Dear Diary: Should I Wait or Should I Settle?”
  1. Cynthia Celestin says:

    NnThank you for the courage to say not being in a healthy relationship is a problem for ALL WOMEN. I truly hate that the media make it only a AA women issue. Allow us to think that one race is more or less desirable. My opinion the root of The problem is so many female has such a low self-esteem ,don’t know there own self worth, and are afraid to be an individual. Because of this most men don’t have to make any effort in a relationship. Because so many will tolerate their BULLSHIT. So we the so called independent women who asked to be treated as a women who deserve respect are made to feel as we’re the problematic one for being single. So we will question ourselves and settle. Think you work hard for your independence, your happiness ,and your peace of mind. Now do u want someone to take that away or accentuate. To love you as you are.

  2. Cynthia Celestin says:

    So stand strong with your belief. EXHALE the judgemental and INHALE THE beauty that God gives u. As Ilyana Yzvant said your soulmate that God picked out for u will come when you’re ready Spiritually and Mentally.

  3. Hello Single White Fed-Up Female!

    Thank you so much for your kind words and for having faith in my advice by submitting your e-mail! I hope I will give you the strength to remain STRONG, have FAITH in GOD and DON’T SETTLE!!! It may sound easy but like you mentioned I know all too well about the PRESSURES of LIFE regarding your parents, friends, career, time clock, ect. reminding you of what you already know… Yes, I’m Single and waiting for the one I am ready to commit my life to and bare his children! Marriage isn’t to be taken lightly as I witness everyday so to settle just for the sake of others wouldn’t allow you to be true to yourself and your will power to stand for what you believe in. Why force yourself to love another and be another Unhappily married woman?! This is your life and don’t allow anyone or thing rush you to do something with someone you don’t see fit to dedicate your life & love too. Honestly marriage wasn’t meant for everyone and sometimes a lot of people get married for the wrong reasons like you mentioned above! Don’t fall victim to the hype of it all. Enjoy your life and keep on dating UNTILL BOTH of YOU GUYS KNOW YOU WANT TO SAY I DO TO EACH OTHER! Don’t allow this to hold you back because you sound like you have a good & solid head on your shoulder! I will keep you in prayers and KEEP PRAYING, HAVING FAITH & BELIEF IN THE LORD! Without believing in your PRAYERS, FAITH & BELIEF it’s like DEAD WISHES!

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